TIME UNTIL BLOG POST: 0 MIN

As a girl who rides three different highways to work on a daily basis, I can’t tell you how much I’ve come to value the digital travel time displays that have been popping up all over the place. You know the ones - the big boards hanging over the highway that display the approximate travel time to a certain exit or junction to let you know whether you’ll end up at your destination on time or if you’ll be 15 minutes late to work. I also imagine parents love them; whenever they’ve got kids who’ve seen the Simpsons one too many times. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Arewethereyet?Arewethereyet?AREWE–” “FIVE MINUTES! SEE THE SIGN? IT SAYS FIVE MINUTES UNTIL WE ARE THERE PLEASE DEAR GOD SHUT UP.”

Anyway, the signs are useful. For example, I know by looking at the first one whether or not I’ll be stuck in traffic for a few minutes before I can get onto highway #2. (Thankfully, I’ve gotten a happy “Less than 3 minutes” message the past week and a half or so.) Not that I can do much to avoid a traffic snafu there, however, which is why I like traffic advisory board the second. If it gives me a travel time of 11-13 minutes, I’m golden. Even 14-16 is okay. But on the rare (very rare) days I sneak a peek and see “20-24″ or, god forbid, “32-35,” well, that means I’m getting off at the next exit and sneaking through the back roads to catch highway #3 at a different on-ramp. Due to loads of construction, the junction between highways #2 and #3 can back up RIDICULOUSLY far, making me WAY beyond late to work. So knowing whether or not to jump ship early has saved me from tardiness on… about two separate occasions.

It got me thinking about how boards like these could be used in other situations, too. Like “TIME UNTIL THUNDERING DOWNPOUR WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING TO THE GROCERY STORE” or “TIME UNTIL RAT POOP” or even “TIME UNTIL THAT ANNOYING COWORKER LEANS OVER YOUR SHOULDER FOR THE FIFTEEN MILLIONTH TIME THIS MORNING ASKING A RIDICULOUSLY BANAL AND POINTLESS QUESTION.” Then there are personal advisory signs that you can wear around, like, “TIME UNTIL I FLIP OUT AND KILL SOMEONE” or “TIME UNTIL SPONTANEOUS JAZZ-BROADWAY ROUTINE IN FRONT OF BOSS’ DESK.” The possibilities are endless, and think how much conflict could be avoided if you were wearing a sign that read, “TIME UNTIL I CALL YOU A BITCH TO YOUR FACE AND THEN IT’S ON: 6-8 MIN”

The world would truly be a happier place.

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